it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
