I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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