she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize