Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
