i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so that wasnt chicken after all
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
