i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
