hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
