i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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