At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
