New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
