I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
