pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i already hear my dad disowning me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
