It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
