I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize