and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I currently don't understand fingers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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