Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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