Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize