fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
