Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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