Will you blow on my dice?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Randomize
