We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize