I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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