Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
