I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
