I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
