Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
