I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
