Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im part way to drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
