we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
