I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize