his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
