And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
