I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
