do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
