i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
