I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
