Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize