i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
