There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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