that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
