Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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