found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
