just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
