Pants 0. Shit 1.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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