i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
