A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
