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• (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.

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