my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
