Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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