i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
