bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Two words: blizzard sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
