Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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