There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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