one might say we're banned from that church
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
