doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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