There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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