First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
