Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
