I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
