please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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