I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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