Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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