Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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