it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
