May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
