I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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