what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize