i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
