he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
