I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
